JOKE TIME - - - Have some LaUgH!!!

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by alfa, Jun 19, 2010.

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  1. shane_08 Lieutenant ★

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    GORIO CALLS A SALESMAN FROM FUTURE SHOP TO BUY A COMPUTER...

    SALESMAN : Future Shop Computer Department. Can I help you?
    GORIO : Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
    SALESMAN : Dell?
    GORIO : No, my name is Gorio.
    SALESMAN : I mean, your computer?
    GORIO : I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
    SALESMAN : Dell?
    GORIO : I told you, my name is Gorio.

    SALESMAN (Whispering) : Im having a headache talking to this !

    GORIO : Pardon Me?

    SALESMAN : Sir, What about wíndows?
    GORIO : What will I see when I look in the wíndows?
    SALESMAN : Do you want a computer with wíndows?
    GORIO : Never mind the wíndows. I need a computer and software.
    SALESMAN : Software for wíndows?
    GORIO : No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?
    SALESMAN : Office.
    GORIO : Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
    SALESMAN : I just did.
    GORIO : You just did what?
    SALESMAN : Recommend something.
    GORIO : You recommended something?
    SALESMAN : Yes.
    GORIO : For my office?
    SALESMAN : Yes.
    GORIO : OK, what did you recommend for my office?
    SALESMAN : Office.
    GORIO : Yes, for my office!
    SALESMAN : I recommend Office with wíndows.
    GORIO : I already have an office with wíndows!

    There was a Silence and then...

    SALESMAN : Sir, I recommend you to jump in your window...you're a fucking mental case...have a nice day!

    *Click*
  2. oo00viper00oo Captain ★★

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    Maestro : Ano ang obrahun nyo kung may linog?
    Inday : Manago sa dalum lamesa.
    Nonoy : Sir, pasigaha ang suga.
    Maestro : Ano?
    Nonoy : Sa payag namon kadagab-i galinog pero kung pasigahun namon ang suga gulpi lang gauntat!
  3. oo00viper00oo Captain ★★

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    Gusto mabal-an sang duwa ka mag-abyan kung may basketbolan sa langit.
    Nagsugtanay sila kung sin-o ang una nga mapatay ang mabalik para magpabalo kung may ara gid man basketbolan sa langit.
    Nauna napatay si Dado.
    Sang isa kagab-i, may nabatian nga tingog si Budol nga daw tingog ni Dado.
    “Dado, Ikaw ‘na?” usisa ni Budol.
    “Huo, ako ‘ni!” sabat si Dado.
    “Daw indi ako magpati ba!” kakibot ‘ni Budol. “Teh….ano? May ara basketbolan sa langit?”

    Sabat ni Dado, “May ara ako malain kag maayo nga balita sa imo. Ang maayo, may ara gid man basketbolan digto, Ang malain…upod ka sang kontrahun namon bwas!”
  4. oo00viper00oo Captain ★★

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    Bata: ‘Tay, nagpamangkot si ma’am kung ano ang imo propesyon.
    Amay: Hambala, cardiologist.
    Bata: Ano ‘na sya, ‘tay?
    Amay: Gaobra radyo sa car.
  5. oo00viper00oo Captain ★★

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    Nagpuli ang bana sang alas kwatro sang kaagahun kag nakita nya ang iya asawa nga gina-balbal sa isa ka lalaki sa ila nga katre.
    Asawa: (nagsingit) Kanami sa imo! SA DIIN KA NAGHALIN?
    Bana: Sin-o ‘na ginahulid mo?
    Asawa: GRABE KA GID! INDI PAGLAINA ANG PAMANGKOT KO!
  6. oo00viper00oo Captain ★★

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    That's all folks! hehhee
  7. oo00viper00oo Captain ★★

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    panghuling bira sa ilongo! :D

    [IMG]
  8. shane_08 Lieutenant ★

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    The Misadventures of Boy Ngo Ngo Isang araw, Tinawag ni Inay si Boy, ang batang ngo-ngo.

    Inay: Boy, magpunta ka sa tindahan ni Aling Petra at bumili ka ng isang latang Pork & Beans!

    Boy: Omo, inay !

    Nagtungo si Boy Ngo Ngo sa tindahan ni Aling Petra . Tatlong bundok ang kaniyang nilakad. Pagdating ni Boy sa tindahan ay binati niya ang tindera.

    Boy: Aning Metra, ngamuta na mo ngayo? (Kamusta na po kayo?)

    Aling Petra: Mabuti naman. Ano ang kailangan mo Boy?

    Boy: Mangmilan nga mo ng inang lata ng Mo e Meen! (Pagbilhan nga po ng isang lata ng Pork n Beans)

    Aling Petra: Ano kamo, Boy?

    Boy: Isa mong Mo e Meen (Isa pong Pork n Beans)

    Aling Petra: Paki-ulit nga Boy at hindi kita maintindihan.

    Boy: Mo e Meen! Mo e Meen - nyung nata lata! (Pork n Beans! Pork n Beans! Yung nasa lata!)

    Aling Petra: Hindi talaga kita maintindihan. Mabuti pa kaya ay i-spell mo na lang sa akin.

    Boy: O ninge. Mo e Meen. Netter Mi. (O sige. Pork n Beans. Letter P.)

    Aling Petra: Letter 'B' ba?

    Boy: Ine! Netter Mi as in Minimines. (Hindi! Letter P as in Philippines )

    Aling Petra: Ha???

    Boy: Mi! (Kinanta ni Boy ang alphabet) Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee..En, Em, En, O, Mi! - - Mi!

    Aling Petra: Ahhh, P! Letter P! (Masiglang sagot ni Aling Petra .)

    Boy: Oo. Mi! Mo e Meen! (Oo! Pi! Pork n Beans!)

    Aling Petra : Sige ituloy mo Boy. 'P'...

    Boy: Ngo! (O!)

    Aling Petra: Ano kamo?

    Boy: (Kumanta ulit) Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee... En, Em, En, Ngo!

    Aling Petra: Ahhh, titik O! P-O. Sige ituloy mo pa!

    Boy: Netter Arrng (Letter R)

    Aling Petra: Kantahin mo na lang ulit Boy.

    Boy: Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee... En, Em, En, O, Mi, Ngyu, Arrng!

    Aling Petra: Ahhh! Letter R. Malapit na. 'P-O-R'? Hindi ko pa rin makuha,

    Boy. Anong letter ang susunod?

    Boy: Ngey.

    Aling Petra: Letter A?

    Boy: Ini ho! (Sabay buntung-hininga si Boy) Ngey! A, Ma, Nga (A-Ba-Ka-Da ang kinanta)! Nga!

    Aling Petra: Ka! Letter 'K' 'P-O-R-K' Ahhh Pork!!!

    Boy: Oo!!! Mo e Meen!

    Aling Petra: Pork and?

    Boy: Oo!! Mo e Meen!!!

    Aling Petra: Pork and Meen? Ahhhh!!! Alam ko na!!! Pork and Beans!!!

    Boy: Oo! Oo!! Mo e Meen!! Mo e Meen!!!! ang masayang sigaw ni Boy.

    Aling Petra: Pork and Beans pala ang kailangan mo!!!

    Boy: Oo. Mo e Meen!

    Aling Petra: Hay salamat.. pero.. sorry aa wla kmi nun ee.
  9. shane_08 Lieutenant ★

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    Makalipas ang limang taon na pagtatrabaho sa ibang bansa ni Bebang ay nagpasya siya na umuwi ng pinas.. Sabik na sabik sa kanya ang kanyang mister dahil halos limang taon din siyang nawalay dito.. Kinagabihan..


    Juan: Ling pa iskor nmn jan 5 years din akong nanabik sayo eh.
    Ling: Pasensya ka na juan ngunit pagod ako galing sa byahe. Ito ang isang libo aliwin mo muna ang sarili mo jan sa labas..

    Tinanggap ni juan ang pera at nagmadali siyang pumunta sa isang weird na CLUB..

    Juan: Waiter!!!
    Waiter: anu un sir??
    Juan: Baka meron tayong chicks jan libog na libog kasi ako ngayon e
    Waiter: Tamang tama sir!! Meron po tayong Class A at Class B dito sir.
    Juan: Ano ba ung class A?
    Waiter: Ung class A sir batang bata po pero shempre mahal. 500 pesos po..

    Dahil sa talgang tigang na si Juan ay kinuha nya ang babae.. Kinabukasan ay libog na naman siya at inaaya ulit ang misis ngunit pagod padin ang kanyang misis kaya nagpasya siyang lumabas ulit dhel may 500 pa siya

    Juan: Waiter!!!
    Waiter: oi boss.. Tamang tama ang dating mo may bago kami d2 ngayon
    Juan: Talaga?! kaso 500 nalang ang pera ko eh wala ba tayong mas mura jan?
    Waiter: Ah meron boss!! Class B 300 pesos lang sir..
    Juan: Anu nmn ung class B?
    Waiter: Medyo mas matanda lang ng unti sa class A sir pero amgagaling din.
    Juan: Libog na kasi tlaga ako eh. Cge pede na sken yan..

    Kinabukasan ay libog na nmn siya at di padin nag pa iskor ang kanyang misis kaya pumunta siya dun sa weird na bar.

    Juan: waiter!! boss 200 nalang ang pera ko dito. libog na libog na talaga ako meron ba tayo jan???

    Waiter: tamang tama dating mo boss meron tau dito mga mumurahin pero malinis boss.
    Juan: Anu naman yan? at magkano?
    Waiter: 100 pesos boss pero matanda na eh.. Edad 60 na

    Dhil sa likas na pagka malibog ni Juan ay napilitan na siyang patusin ang matanda.. at siya ay nakaraos.. Kinabukasan ay ganun na nmn at lalo siayng nangigil ngunit umalis ang misis nya kaya nagpasya siayng pumunta sa kanyang HANGOUT..

    Juan: waiter!!! libog na libog na talaga ako pero 100 nalang pera ko meron pa ba para sken jan???
    Waiter: 100?? hmm.. meron boss 50 pesos lang pero ung alaga kong pato..

    dhel di na talga matiis ni juan ang tawag ng kalikasan at dhel wala din siyang pera ay pinatos na niya ang pato at dinala sa VIP room.. at nakaraos siya..

    Kinabukasan ay ganun n nmn ngunit 50 nalang ang pera nya..

    Juan: waiter!!! baka nmn meron ka jan para sa 50 pesos kasi di ko na talaga matiis ang libog na nararamdaman ko eh.
    Waiter: tamang tama sir meron tyo para jan 5 pesos lang..
    Juan: Talaga?? anu nmn un??
    at sinama ng waiter si juan sa isang vip room. pagpasok nya ay maraming tao na nakatayo at nakasilip sa mga butas..

    Waiter: jan sir boso ka lang jan 5 pesos lang ang singil nmen..

    at pumwesto na si Juan para mamboso.. Pag silip nya ay nakita nya ang isang lalake na tinitira ang isang baboy..

    Juan: P&#$*$ ina nmn nyan!! kakadiri Yuck!!! Pwe!!! ang baboy!!

    sabi ng katabi nyang bumoboso din


    Bosero 1: Wala ka kagabi, PATO!!!
  10. silentriver

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    juan and pedro: namayabas.

    juan: pedro anu nang ara lapit sa tiil mo? daw tae gid na haw?
    pedro:(gin-simhutan).. daw ndi man.
    juan: tae ged na ya!
    pedro: (gin- tilawan).. ABAW! TAE GID MAN GALE! MAAYO NALANG GID WAAY KO NATAPAKAN!!!

    -whahaha!!!!
  11. djenendjenen Captain ★★

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    BANA (NGONGO): muka mo muti!
    ASAWA: wala naman ah!
    BANA: sabi ko muka mo muti!
    ASAWA: wala gani!
    BATA: nay sabi ni tatay ibika mo mabuti, ang ingay nyo d tuloy ako makatulog
  12. alfa Captain ★★

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    hahaha :lol: :lol: :lol:
  13. archdaevil Major ★★★

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  14. alfa Captain ★★

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    NO MORE ERAP JOKES; PACQUIAO NAMAN

    Genie: Bibigyan kita ng isang kahilingan.
    Aling Dionisia: Talaga?...gusto ko gumanda!
    Genie: Buksan mo ang bote.
    Aling Dionisia: At gaganda na ako?
    Genie: Hindi. Babalik na lang ako.
    ------------ --------- --------- ---------

    Pacman: Sabi ng titser ko, bakit daw ang eggplant walang egg?
    Aling Dionisia: Sabihon mo sa titser mo, na pag me egg yun, turta na
    yan, TURTA!
    ------------ --------- --------- --------- ------

    Reporter: Nguang nanalo ka Manny, anong pasalubong mo kay Jinkee?
    Manny: Ibon syempre. Mahilig sya dun e.
    Reporter: Ibon? Anong klaseng ibon?
    Manny: Yung mga lipstek, pangmik up ba? Basta mga Ibon products! Yo know…
    ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -

    Dionesia: Doc gusto ko magpalagay ng breast.
    Doctor (gulat) magpapasexsi ka na?
    Dionesia: Breast sa ngipen ba. Paraumayos yun ngepen ko! Deba uso yon?
    ------------ --------- --------- --------

    Pacquiao: Wala, talo ka na kahit anung gawin mo..
    Hatton: Pagandahan na lang tayo ng nanay!
    Pacquiao: Ah! Wala namang ganyanan. I mean you know…
    ------------ --------- --------- ---

    Aling Dionisia: Inday, akina nga yung seeds ko.
    Inday: Bakit po magtatanim po ba kayo?
    Aling Dionisia: Anung magtatanim sinasabi mo? Nasisilaw ang mata ko
    kaya kailangan ko yung seeds.

    ------------ --------- --------- -

    Jinky: Manny, kung magkakaanak ulet tayu, anu magandang name?
    Manny: Hmm. Eh di combine na lang name natin … “MANKY”......

    ------------ --------- -----

    Aling Dionisia: Gusto ko naman pag nagka-anak kayo uli ni Jinky, di
    lang pangalan nyo pagsasamahin. Dapat kasali din pangalan ko.
    Manny: Oo naman nay, kasu midyu mahirap yun.
    Aling Dionisia: Hindi ah, may naesep na nga ako eh.
    Manny: Talaga 'nay? Anu?
    Aling Dionisia: DIOMANJI (dionisia-manny- jinky)

    ------------ --------- --------- -------

    Pacquiao: Honey, buksan mo na yung sweets
    Jinky : Lambing mo talaga. mwah !! Nasan ang sweets honey?
    Pacquiao: Yung sweets ng ilaw. di ako makakita… ang dilim!!
    ------------ --------- --------- ------

    Si Manny Pacquiao tumakbo sa pagka-Congressman sa GenSan...
    Reporter: Manny, anong masasabi mo sa peace and order sa inyong lugar
    sa Gen San?
    Manny: Ah, yun ba? uhmm...eh... ang masasabi ku lang diyan ay ....
    Reporter: Ano..?
    Manny: Ahh, kwan, ... maraming Fish sa Gen San pero wala masyado umo-Order!
    ------------ --------- --------- ----

    Freddie and Manny heart to heart talk
    Manny: Pare, ba't naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang syota? Wala ka pa
    bang na pupusuan?
    Freddie: Meron. .. Manhid ka lang!

    ------------ --------- --------- --------- --

    Noodle!! Noodle!! Noodle!!
    Manny Pacquiao sa Deal or No Deal

    ------------ --------- --------- --------- --

    Las Vegas
    Waiter: May i take your order, Madam?
    Aling Dionisia: Soup
    Waiter: Chicken, asparagus, noodle, fish or soup of the day?
    Aling Dionisia: Soup drenks!

    Sa isang Birthday Party
    Aling Dionisia: Blue!!! Blue the Kick!!!!

    ------------ --------- --------- ------
    You is!' 'you is! you is!', sigaw ni Aling Dionisia pagdating sa Amerika …
    Andito na ako sa ‘you is!’

    ------------ --------- --------- ----

    Chavit: Manny, paki - acknowledge naman si 1st Gentleman, late
    dumating … ayun kadadaan lang sa tabi ng ringside.
    Manny: I would like to acknowledge the ARRIVAL OF THE LATE 1st
    GENTLEMAN WHO JUST PASSED AWAY!!

    Note: SA MGA PACQUIAO FANS, Wag kayong magalit. PACMAN fan din ako!
  15. alfa Captain ★★

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    ITO ANG HINDI ALAM NG MGA KASTILA. HI-TECH NA NOON ANG NGA KATIPUNERO!

    [IMG]
    [IMG]
    [IMG]
  16. alfa Captain ★★

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    HEAVEN AND HELL

    While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Philippine Senator was tragically hit by a car and died.

    His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

    "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

    "No problem, just let me in," says the Senator.

    "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

    "Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.

    "I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

    And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

    The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

    Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the Filipino people.

    They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

    Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes.

    They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go.

    Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

    The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven."

    So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

    "Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

    The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

    So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

    Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

    The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.

    "I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

    The devil smiles at him and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning ...Today, you voted."
  17. aes

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    HAHAHAHA D'BEST K TALAGA!!

    ISA KA TLAGANG HENYO!!MABUHAY KA!!!

    :D :D
  18. troy888 Major ★★★

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    share ko lang ung ky arch..

    tubo= "chubo"

    pebbles pa. :)
  19. alfa Captain ★★

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    Nanay: Bobo ka talaga! 1 to 10 lang, di mo kayang bilangin?
    Anak: Mas bobo si tatay nay, kasi narinig ko minsan sabi, "tama na inday,
    hanggang tatlo lang kaya ko."



    Vamous tumba la cama, entrada mi pitoy sa fuerta,
    con atras abante, no puerza, hala sige rapido virada, cargada cemilya tudo
    discarga!! - (in ENGLISH translation: sex)



    Letter to OFW dad: "Luv, tnx sa padala mo, hapi c nene kasi tobleron ang
    baon sa skul. Iyong nike suot na ni jr. next tym wag ka na padala NIVEA
    MILK. di nila type pait daw, ako tloy ang umubos."




    Mister: ano ang pagkain natin?
    Misis: nasa mesa, bahala ka na pumili!
    Mister: isang pirasong tuyo?ano pagpipilian ko?
    Misis: pumili ka kung kakain ka o hindi!
  20. alfa Captain ★★

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    IDD call from US:
    Husband: hon musta ang tindahan?
    Wife: dept store na!
    Husband: ang tuba-an?
    Wife: KTV bar na!
    Husband: and mga trickad?
    W: taxi na!
    H: ang dalawa kong anak?
    W: LIMA na!


    Sweethearts watchin' da sky...
    Guy: ano ang horoscope mo?
    Girl: anong huruskup?
    Guy: yung bang kapalaran mo, katulad ko, CANCER.
    Girl: ah, sa akin ALMURANAS!


    Titser: who can make a sentence then translate it in tagalog?
    Pupil: my titser is beautiful, isn't she?
    Titser: very good, translate it in tagalog.
    Pupil: ang guro ko ay maganda, maganda nga ba?


    Donya: bilang bagong katulong, tandaan mo na ang almusal dito ay alasais
    empuntu!
    Maid: walang problema donya. kung tulog pa ako sa oras na yun, mauna na
    kayong mag almusal!
  21. alfa Captain ★★

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    Babae: Doc, kumusta na ang asawa ko?

    Doc: Sorry ma'am. Mula ngayon, ikaw na ang
    magpapakain at magpapaligo sa kanya, kasi,
    putol na ang kanyang mga kamay at paa.

    Babae: Hah?! Hindi nga?!

    Doc: Hehehe! Ninerbyos ka ano? Joke lang! Patay na sya!
  22. alfa Captain ★★

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    Amo: Inday, titira dito ang biyenan ko ng 3 buwan.
    Ito ang listahan ng mga favorite nyang pagkain.
    Maid: Opo, sir.
    Amo: Kapag may niluto ka dyan, lagot ka sa akin!

    Mrs: Naniniwala ka ba na ang babae habang
    tumatanda ay gumaganda?
    Mr: Oo naman.
    Mrs: Sa tingin mo, gumaganda ba ako?
    Mr: Sa tingin ko, hindi ka tumatanda.


    Son: Itay, pinagalitan ako ng titser ko!
    Dad: Bakit?
    Son: Hinalikan ko po ang seatmate ko.
    Dad: Tong anak ko, manang mana sa akin. Hehehe.
    Eh, masarap ba?
    Son: Opo, pogi po sya eh.


    Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back.
    How do you control your anger?
    Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.
    Husband: How does that help?
    Wife: I use your toothbrush.


    Lasing: Hoy! Sinong matapang?! Labas!
    Lalake: Ako! Bakit? Lalaban ka?!
    Lasing: Pare, ihatid mo naman ako sa bahay,
    natatakot ako kay misis eh. =)
  23. alfa Captain ★★

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    Tatay: Asensado na talaga ang anak natin sa US.
    Ito, nagpadala ng picture, nakasandal sa kotse. Basahin
    mo nga ang nakasulat sa likod.
    Nanay: Inay, nagpapasalamat ako, kasi, kung hindi
    dahil sa kotse na ito, natumba na ako sa sobrang gutom.


    Reporter: Sir, do you watch CNN?
    Pinoy: Walang oras.
    Reporter: Do you read books?
    Pinoy: Walang oras.
    Reporter: Do you play golf?
    Pinoy: Walang oras.
    Reporter: Do you drink wine or liquor?
    Pinoy: Walong oras!


    Husband: Hindi ako makatulog, lagi kong naiisip ang
    utang ko kay pare na dalawang milyong piso.
    Wife: Tawagan mo si pare, sabihin mo, hindi ka
    makakabayad para sya naman ang hindi makatulog.


    GMA: Ano bang hinahanap mo dyan sa 3 in 1 coffee
    mo at kanina ka pa silip nang silip dyan?
    Erap: Hinahanap ko yung libreng asukal! May
    nakasulat kasi na "Sugarfree."
    GMA: Bobo! Banda yun!


    Bitoy: Dagul, bakit ang pandak mo?
    Dagul: Kasi, bata pa lang ako, ulila na ako.
    Bitoy: Anong kaugnayan nun sa pagiging pandak mo?
    Dagul: Sira pala ulo mo! Wala ngang nagpalaki sa akin!


    An alcoholic son wrote a letter...
    Beer dad, Gin na ako iinom ulit, Whisky kelan.
    Tanduay mo yan, tiTequilan ko na talaga, p Rumis po!
    Your San, Miguel.
  24. djenendjenen Captain ★★

    Member Since:
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    Sabi ng seksi at kaakit-akit na empleyada sa kanyang boss, "Sir, will you remove something from my boobs?"

    Naglaway lalo ang boss, "Wow! Alin ‘yon?!"

    Sagot ni seksi, "Ang mga mata mo, sir!"

    tatay: anak bumili ka nga ng bulad, bilisan mo kasi kakain na tayo
    anak: maya na tay kasi nagpapalipad pa ako ng saranggola
    tatay: bakit, makain ba yang saranggola mo?
    anak: bakit tay, lilipad ba yang bulad mo?

    KORNI KORNI TYM..........


    1. Minamalat na naman ang puso ko.. *** paano kasi, laging sinisigaw ang pangalan mo..

    2. Ikaw ba may-ari ng Crayola?? *** ikaw kasi nagbibigay ng kulay sa buhay ko..

    3. Uy picture tayo!! *** para ma-develop tayo!!

    4. Kung ikaw ay bola at ako ang player, mashushoot ba kita?? *** hinde, kasi lagi kita mamimiss..

    5. Can i take your picture?? *** coz i want to show Santa exactly what i want for christmas!!

    6. Exam ka ba?? *** gustong gusto na kasi kitang i-take home eh!!

    7. Lecture mo ba ako?? *** lab kasi kita..

    8. Centrum ka ba?? *** kasi you make my life complete!!

    9. Miss pwede ba kita maging driver?? *** para ikaw na magpapatakbo ng buhay ko..

    10. Mahilig ka ba sa asukal?? *** ang tamis kasi ng mga ngiti mo..

    11. Pinaglihi ka ba sa keyboard?? *** kasi type kita..

    12. I hate to say this but... You are like my underwear.. *** i can't last a day without you!!

    13. Ibibili kita ng salbabida.. *** kasi malulunod ka sa pagmamahal ko..

    14. Pwede ba kitang maging sidecar?? *** single kasi ako eh..

    15.Me lisensya ka ba?? *** coz you're driving me crazy..

    ***taken from DavaoEx...d ko na makita yong na post ko dati...just want to share it just for laugh only!!! Ok lang po ba?
  25. alfa Captain ★★

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    :lol: :lol: thanks djenen, :lol: :lol:
  26. shane_08 Lieutenant ★

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    Women Are Evil By Nature...

    A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly
    to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively
    signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers.

    As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the manager?"
    she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
    "Actually,
    no,"
    he replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said,
    running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

    "I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender.. "Is there anything I can
    do?" "Yes. I need you to give him a message," she continued, running her
    forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her
    fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

    "What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say. "Tell him,"
    she whispered, "There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in
    the ladies room."
  27. shane_08 Lieutenant ★

    Member Since:
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    HELLO OPERATOR

    Actual call center conversations!

    Customer: 'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through;can you help?'

    Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?'
    Customer: 'It's on the door of the business.'
    Operator: 'Sir, those are the hours that the business is open.'

    Samsung Electronics
    Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
    Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'
    Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I
    need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and
    telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the
    number for Jack?'
    Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'


    Directory Enquiries
    Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please.'
    Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?'
    Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.'


    On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'

    Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'
    Customer: 'OK.'
    Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
    Customer: 'No.'
    Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
    Customer: 'No.'
    Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this
    point?'
    Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'



    Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?'


    This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'

    Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
    (Now I know why they record these conversations! ):

    Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
    Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect. '
    Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
    Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
    Operator: 'Went away?'
    Caller: 'They disappeared'
    Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
    Caller: 'Nothing.'
    Operator: 'Nothing??'
    Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
    Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'
    Caller: 'How do I tell?'
    Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'
    Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
    Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
    Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
    Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
    Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
    Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'
    Caller: 'I don't know.'
    Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
    Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
    Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
    Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
    Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? '
    Caller: 'No.'
    Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
    Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
    Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer..'
    Caller: 'I can't reach.'
    Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'
    Caller: 'No..'
    Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'
    Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'
    Operator: 'Dark?'
    Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'
    Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
    Caller: 'I can't.'
    Operator: 'No? Why not?'
    Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
    Operator: 'A power ...... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?'
    Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
    Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
    Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
    Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
    Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'
    Operator: 'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!'
    __________________
  28. alfa Captain ★★

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    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
  29. freelancer009 Captain ★★

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    wahahhahahahhahah that's great!
  30. Lhadz Captain ★★

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    hahaha...so stupid!...:lol:
                                 

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